Some books inform you. Others form you.
These ten did the second. They challenged how I lead, how I heal, how I see my continent and how I see myself. Many of them sent me back to God with new questions, and some even gave me specific prayer points. Here is what each one gave me.
1. Equal But Different by Dr Judy Dlamini
What does it cost a woman to lead when she is carrying race, gender and class all at once? Dr Dlamini answers that question through the life stories of South African women leaders who rose anyway.
What makes this book remarkable is not only her own wisdom. It is the chance to connect with the thinking of several accomplished women who have made significant strides in South Africa. It is not a theory book. It is real lives, real cost and real breakthrough.
2. I Am Debra Lee by Debra Lee
You do not have to become an extrovert to lead. That is what Debra Lee, former CEO of BET, learnt the hard way, and she does not pretend her journey was squeaky clean. She shares her wins, her failures and her insecurities.
- Most women who reach the top are mentored by men. Debra had to learn to lead as herself, not like the men who mentored her.
- Her quiet, reserved nature first felt like a limit. Over time she leaned into it as her superpower, offering vision, clarity and direction as an introvert.
- She never tells you what to do, but her story coaches you to set a vision, hold boundaries with colleagues and clarify your values. As you do, you learn to trust yourself more.
- Corporate is a jungle. Passion for what you do is what carries you through, especially as a woman.
3. What Happened to You? by Dr Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey
I expected this book to make me sad. Instead, I felt peace.
It let me revisit painful experiences not as a victim, but as a student. I felt as though I was standing outside myself, studying how past wounds had shaped my thinking and behaviour. Understanding that the brain builds memories and associations from past experiences was enlightening. Even more liberating was learning that, with intention, we can retrain the brain and build new associations.
Reading it felt like being handed a gift of wisdom, almost like a spiritual encounter.
4. Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Dr Ramani Durvasula
Sometimes our upbringing makes bad treatment feel familiar, so familiar that we think it is okay.
Dr Ramani describes narcissistic personality traits so clearly that every doubt in my mind gave way to clarity. This book is not only about romantic relationships. Narcissistic people show up at work, in families and in friendships, and if their impact goes unchecked, we can end up wounded and no longer living confidently.
What empowered me most is that she does not tell the reader what to do. She lays out the implications of each choice and lets you decide, then shows you the steps to heal, both during and after that kind of relationship. It felt like sitting with a psychologist through difficult choices.
5. Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess by Dr Caroline Leaf
Dr Leaf takes a complex subject and gives it simple language and practical steps. Applicability is this book’s competitive advantage.
I came away understanding how my thoughts are formed, and how much power I have to change the way I think, my habits and my destiny. When I started her 63-day process, I felt layers come off on day one. It shone a light on toxic thought patterns I had not acknowledged, and on their root cause. I felt a fresh hope that I can change my life.
6. Widen the Window by Dr Elizabeth Stanley
Have you ever overreacted to something small, then wondered where it came from? Dr Stanley explains that each of us has a “window”: the amount of stress we can handle while still thinking clearly.
People with a wider window can read danger accurately, respond flexibly and bounce back fully afterwards. People with a narrower window are more likely to sense danger where there is none and react on autopilot, which can make full recovery harder. The good news is that the window can be trained wider.
7. Congo Stories by John Prendergast and Fidel Bafilemba
People ignore what they don’t know. So I set myself a goal to learn more about my own continent, and this book was a powerful place to start.
The authors are intentional about changing the narrative by telling the story from Congolese perspectives. I learnt about Congo’s history, her God-given riches, the role business has played in her conflict, the strength of her people, and the tragedies of past and present regimes. Some accounts are painful, and reading them takes courage. But they need to be read. (And yes, the photographs are by Ryan Gosling.)
8. My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem
As I read this book, I found the book was reading me.
It was written for African Americans, but as a Black South African who lived under apartheid, I found it deeply relevant. It exposed unhealed trauma and challenged me to examine why I think of myself a particular way, and why I view those who look like me a particular way.
I learnt that unaddressed trauma can be handed down from one generation to the next until it becomes culture, and that colourism is one of those inherited wounds. I also learnt that healing and restoration are possible. The book gives you your power back by challenging you to do the internal work and to see yourself as God originally intended. It gave me understanding and specific prayer points.
The greatest gift we can give the next generation is not the cycle of trauma. It is wholeness.
9. The Educated Waiter by Tafadzwa Zimunhu Taruvinga
There is always a story behind the story.
I like challenging my perceptions by reading different kinds of books, and this memoir did exactly that. It taught me to pause and think, to practise less judgement, and to be willing to at least try to understand. It also convicted me. As a South African, I have not always taken the time to understand my own continent. Now that I choose what I read, I am choosing those stories.
10. American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins
There is power in reading the book that makes you uncomfortable.
I once heard the advice to get out of your comfort zone, hear the side of the story you are not comfortable hearing, and then fact-check it. So I picked up this novel about a Mexican family’s dangerous journey to the United States. Reading just one book on the subject put my naive arguments about immigration to rest, and it made me wonder how many other opinions would soften if I simply allowed myself to read the uncomfortable book.
As a believer, I do not want to live in anger, unforgiveness or resentment. Listening and learning are part of how God grows me.
What these books taught me together
Looking back, three threads run through all ten. Healing is possible, even for wounds we inherited. Every person carries a story behind the story. And growth often begins exactly where our comfort ends.
Which book has shaped your becoming? Share it in the comments. I am always looking for my next read.
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