“Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve disciples, went to the leading priests and asked, ‘How much will you pay me to betray Jesus to you?’ And they gave him thirty pieces of silver. From that time on, Judas began looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus.” Matthew 26:14–16 (NLT)
Tonight when I read this passage, I did not read it as a judge. I read it as a daughter.
My relationship with God is not heavy or fear-driven. It is deeply relational Father and daughter. So the question that rose in me did not come from condemnation. It came from humility.
“Lord… show me where I am acting like Judas.”
It is easy to read this story and distance myself from it. Easy to say, I would never betray Jesus. But what unsettled me and I use that word gently is that Judas’ betrayal was not impulsive. It was premeditated.
He went to ask.
He negotiated the price.
He accepted the reward.
And then the most sobering part he began looking for an opportunity.
He was consumed with the silver before he was crushed by regret.
And this was not a stranger to Jesus. This was a man who walked with Him. Sat at His table. Witnessed His miracles. Experienced His kindness and peace. He was close yet he negotiated betrayal.
That is what brought me to prayer.
Because betrayal does not always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks subtle. Sometimes it looks like entertaining thoughts that diminish what God has done. Sometimes it looks like rehearsing lack instead of rehearsing faith. Sometimes it looks like sitting in victimhood while claiming devotion.
As I prayed, I saw something honestly. Moments where I magnify the negative. Moments where I sit in self-pity. Moments where I rehearse what is missing instead of who He is. Moments where my mind lingers on lack longer than it lingers on gratitude.
And I thought when I do that, am I not, in some small way, nailing Him again to the cross? Not by action, but by unbelief?
So my prayer shifted.
“Lord, don’t just show me. Give me grace to change while I still can.”
Judas felt remorse after the betrayal. But he did not turn back in surrender he turned inward in despair. I want to be different. I want conviction that leads to repentance, not shame. I want awareness that leads to transformation, not self-destruction. And tonight, even in my physical tiredness, I am grateful.
I had such a beautiful day. I met generous people. I was poured into. A colleague said I was glowing and I am. I am glowing because I am loved. Because I am seen. Because God is kind to me in quiet ways.
Before I sleep, I choose gratitude.
Thank You, Lord.
Wells of Wonder 