Today, I want to address a challenging aspect of church culture that I term as ‘ungodly loyalty.’ My relationship with the church is one of deep affection and appreciation. It’s within the church that I discovered my gifts, forged lasting friendships, and honed various skills. The church has been instrumental in my spiritual development, and without it, I’m sure my growth would have stalled. So, my perspective comes not from animosity but from a place of commitment to the church.
However, a recent article about a bishop on trial for rape deeply disturbed me. It wasn’t just the allegations that were unsettling, but also the reaction of some church members—particularly women—who expressed unyielding loyalty to their “spiritual father.” I am not suggesting that all pastors are beyond redemption; however, it is concerning when loyalty overrides the need for accountability even in the face of grievous harm.
I understand, to an extent, why this mindset is prevalent, particularly in the black African church. Cultural norms that tolerate abuse and dismissals like “a man will be a man” often take precedence over scriptural tenets. But the moment someone assumes a role in church leadership, they are called to a higher standard by the Scripture itself.
I speak from personal experience, as a former victim of pastoral abuse during a vulnerable time in my life. The toxic culture that protects such individuals left me feeling isolated and doubtful of my own experiences, particularly when the abuser was skilled in manipulation. I couldn’t even confide in my non-Christian family, burdened by the notion of preserving the church’s image. Now, with the wisdom of age, I recognize that this was not a responsibility foisted upon me by God. At the time, though, I struggled with the question: How could I continue to witness about Christ while also exposing the wrongdoing I endured?
But today, although I am reminded of those wounds, I am also aware of my healing. I can now speak openly about these past events without fear for my life—a telltale sign of the severity of those church experiences.
In my writings, I consistently focus on the love of God and will persist in doing so. Yet, it’s important to acknowledge that the body of Christ is not immune to flaws. Today’s reflection shows that I have reached a place of strength and restoration, where I can confront these aspects without trepidation.
It’s important to recognize that spiritual health is an essential aspect of overall well-being, and finding a place of worship that aligns with one’s beliefs and values is critical. If you’re feeling that the church you’re attending isn’t contributing positively to your spiritual growth or well-being, it might be a sign to look for a community that better suits your needs. A healthy church environment should offer a sense of community, support, and growth, as well as align with the teachings you believe to be true and helpful to your spiritual journey.
If the church you currently attend is unhealthy in its dynamics, such as promoting exclusion, intolerance, or spiritual abuse, it is not in alignment with the loving, inclusive spirit that many believe to be at the heart of the Christian message. It’s okay to take a step back, reassess your spiritual needs, and take the time to find a community where you can thrive.
Remember, the ultimate goal is to cultivate your spiritual life in a setting that encourages love, growth, and service, in alignment with your understanding of God’s will for your life. Taking the step to seek out a healthier church community can be difficult, but it can also be a profoundly rewarding journey toward a more fulfilling spiritual life.
Wells of Wonder 